While my ego believed the motive for moving back to California was in search of more opportunity, deep down, my heart knew this change was for a different reason.
It took a while to quiet the mind and figure out what my heart was trying to tell me, but the moment I was finally able to hear my heart speak it’s truth, was the moment my nephew looked at me for the very first time.
Needless to say, I cried like a little bitch (and I’m still crying like a little bitch as I try to put this memory into words, so bear with me here— ok?)
When you do anything from the ego, life gets pretty dark and twisted. It’s almost as if everything is working against you and you can’t help but feel a little lost. However, when I saw Sonny’s face for the first time, my somber soul was filled with so much light again.
That was when I knew, my heart had called me back to California so this little legend could help me discover some of life’s most valuable lessons. Watching him shine this last year has opened my eyes to that childlike wonder we give up, as we grow up and take on the responsibility of “adult-ing”.
When he learned how to clap his hands for the first time, it reminded me how important it is to celebrate even the tiniest of victories. When he began to point and question everything in sight, it showed me how powerful the magic of curiosity can be. When he was going through the torture of teething, it helped me remember the pain that comes with growth.
Then as he began to develop his personality, I noticed as he would break out in laughter just to bring laughter to the people around him. I witnessed him exchange smiles with complete strangers, as if they’ve been friends forever, and holy shit, if only you could see the way this boy looks at himself in a mirror.
Not only has Sonny reminded me of what it means to be young again, but he has reminded me of what it means to be a Rodriguez (ego and all haha).
With as much of a personal struggle as this year was for me, trying to find my way and make sense of this wild ass journey. The truth is, I would leave Hawaii all over again for this kind of sunshine.
Happy 1st birthday to you Sonny boy! Thank you for reminding me of my purpose, my passion, and my mission in life, which is to inspire little ones like you.
I hope one day you are able to see me live my dream true, knowing that you were one of my biggest motivations.
Here’s to never growing up, and never giving up.
xx With Love,
(and yes, I’m still crying like a little bitch right now.)