Would you look at that, another hashtag holiday.
Are you even surprised?!
Yeah, me either. Although I must say, todays social media celebration goes far beyond #NationalMargaritaDay or #LoveYourPetDay, because today we honor being women.
On that note, happy #InternationalWomensDay!
But can I be honest with you for a second? Being a woman is something that I’m sort of struggling to understand. As strange as it sounds, one of my intentions for 2018 is to connect more with my feminine energy.
So naturally, I dyed my hair, went on a gnarly shopping spree and really started to focus more on my squats. Then, in a recent visit to the lady doctor, I discovered my feminine mystique goes deeper than a new wardrobe and great hair.
It goes cervix deep.
No seriously, when I was a mini mermaid my brothers told me our parents wanted a girl so bad, they chopped off my bits when I was born (Caitlyn Jenner style). Never in my life did I actually believe this bullshit story, but as my doctor and I both physically struggled to find my cervix, it began to bring up some deep-rooted shit.
Growing up with three brothers has made me thicker skinned than most, and I have always carried such pride in being “one of the boys”. However, after this OBGYN experience I learned my masculine mentality makes it a lot harder to open up, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, I don’t really know what I mean by it either.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, having brothers taught me how to be a dude. Which makes it pretty tough to connect with the compassion, vulnerability, and grace that makes women so damn beautiful.
Instead I can relate more to the assertive, closed-off, and independent qualities of a man. Rather than stealing jeans from a sister while growing up, I raided closets for jerseys. I have learned to laugh through pain and have a tendency to show love by hitting you where it hurts.
My mind is out of tune with my body, and as a result, I don’t feel as comfortable as I should with my sexuality — hence the struggle of spreading my legs for the lady doc (or for anyone in general).
“Woah Gennah, TMI. Why are you sharing all this anyway?”
Because oddly enough, putting it out there
on the internet for others to see is my first step in healing. It’s a way to begin breaking down the wall I’ve spent my entire life building, while trying to make sense of why I have a wall in the first place.
Never in a million years would I change my brotherly upbringing because it has made me the quick-witted, ambitious, sports loving badass I am today. But I do know once I tap into my feminine power and learn how to balance the two energies in perfect harmony, I will be unstoppable.
(or at least be able to chill out during my next visit to the gyno).
I do plan on sharing this journey of healing with you in the hopes of inspiring other women suffering from the same struggle. There is a special kind of magic in being a female and I’m looking forward to unleashing that alluring side of myself.
Happy Women’s Day to all my best babes and lady bros!
xx Fins & Kisses,